We have crafted and packaged relationships into sell-able commodities. Relationships are not the glamour pictures, happy journeys, adventures, laughter, chic clothes, joyful families, healthy humans and wishful thinking.
Humans often feel disheartened, betrayed, left aside, used and depleted in relating with others and things do not get better in intimate relationships.
We are always relating (that is, in perpetual communication) with one another whether we know it or not. The act of getting involved with someone, that is, choosing to be date someone, to marry someone, to partner with someone or live in with someone or however you choose to name it, comes with it’s share of two diametrically different worlds, different ways of communication, using words, emoting, different weights of the past for both individuals, different areas of interest and needs and the list is endless.
Just because the other has opened up and shared a few things, we easily assume that we know the other and we are many to believe that we can actually read the other’s mind and thoughts and even complete their sentences.
Here is where it gets interesting,
We are many to have committed to fix the other, for unless until the other is fixed, we as a couple (or however you chose to name this relationship) will never truly exist. When the other does not level up to what we expected and needed, we blame, we try to fix and we blame again.
Relationship is the PLACE TO BE. For relationships regardless of their nature and their appellation, they carry the potentials to teach us something about ourselves.
Blaming is the easy way, for blaming is the dance that externalizes and projects our yet-to-be acknowledged needs, desires, wants, discomforts, wounds, pains and trauma unto the other.
Blaming circumstances or people for our discontentment is addictive. We all do it from time to time.
It is easy to fall into this trap and it is also tempting to give in to that way of existing.
“I am miserable because my partner is like this or that, or my partner is unable to meet me on the same grounds. I am scared because my partner hits me.”
Yet blaming does not bring us the JOY or FREEDOM we seek.
For anyone who has been through some challenging instances, we can relate to this.
The blaming gives us temporary relief, even a feeling of power for the other is responsible for what we are going through and how we are feeling.
I am not veiling off from the fact that there are deeply sick humans out there, humans who will go to any extent to hurt others in the most unimaginable ways. But what I am stating here is rather, “where is each individual’s share of responsibility in relationships?”
Owning our experience, owning our share in what has happened, what is happening to us and what is yet to happen to us can STING HARD and BAD.
Most often this ownership comes with this awareness of our sense of unworthiness, not-enoughness and much more.
Blaming keeps us trapped in victim consciousness because we are literally giving our power away to that person or thing. Blaming does not create the space for us to learn something about ourselves.
The power of grounded coaching proves to be purposeful and directed towards oneself.
Transformation manifests only when one owns one’s power in creating one’s life.
Start with Ourselves. Start with focusing the energy and the intent on what we truly seek.
Start with questions
“How do I feel in this situation?
What needs are not being met?
Why do I hurt?
What do I believe about myself?
On a scale of 0-10, how healthy is this situation for me?
What is this relationship teaching me about myself?
Where is my share of responsibility?”
So, what happens when we redirect our energy and reclaim our power with self-responsibility and a commitment to love?
What happens when we choose to focus on who we want to become rather than blaming another for who we are not or what we don't have?
We start making conscious choices, be it that of closing that relationship or shifting our communicating but most importantly, we start looking at whatever is showing up for us.
By so doing, we start this journey of healing and transforming the world through our conscious presence within intentionally loaded choices, lives and actions
Relationship is a work in progress and till the end, we have this opportunity to uncovering about ourselves, to unveiling the unacknowledged and thus to growing and shifting.
“And so she moves with a little more wisdom, a heart that is more open to love, and with a mind that welcomes deep healing.”- Yung Pueblo
Love from my heart to yours
Image source: Nine Kopfer, Unsplash
Post © Megha Venketasamy, 2019. All rights reserved.