As I churn so I alchemize

Today, I celebrate men, women and myself for closing the first twelve months of pacing with Whispers of Faith.

I have spent the last twelve months explaining the symbolism of black and gold in Whispers of Faith

“As I churn so I alchemize”

My naivety thought she has understood it all until two weeks ago, a wave of massive churning and brewing dragged me deeper and I am gently emerging now. To be honest, I am in a limbo; I have no clue of the next. And I am choosing to be vulnerably open and honest about it, for I believe if one person allows her/his self to be seen, heard, felt, this will ripple across oceans and lands and we will be many to rise to our vulnerable space.


Hear the whispers of that which has emerged for me.

My Shadow-Self decided that it was going to her moment of glory. I was dragged, shaken, stripped off and broke open. I kicked hard, projected on my closest one, tried everything to hang on and to control that which I was feeling. Truth be, I had lost feet and this happened within days. While I was wiggling, my chest was heavily congested and I decided not to go for medications for I deeply believed and still do, that this situation was beyond medications.

While I say this, I do not advice anyone to do same unless you have a sense of your body and you know your own limit to withstand that which churns and brews within.

This stride stopped until listening was the only balm.

“As I churn so I alchemize”

 My Shadow-Self brought to surface that which has led the entirety of my life until now and this was deeply intertwined with my lungs gasping for air.

“Danger is Omnipresent”

The surfacing of this core belief, had me stepped back to review my entire life, how I have moved cautiously, how I have played small despite all. The fact that I am still alive, that I somehow managed to move ahead in life, is a miracle.

I feel and I believe that I am no less than a Miracle. I say this from a deep space of kindness for myself and while I say this I know we are endless out there with lurking shadows awaiting to be heard, seen, embraced and acknowledged.

To the external world, I am a confident woman, someone who is not afraid to take stands and voice, but my own shadows whispered a story of “fears, self-judgments and a belief of danger being omnipresent”.

My chest is breathing freely right now as I walk my way to reclaiming this core belief that has emerged. I do not see the next and right here right now, I believe that "Courage is the Willingness not to Know".

Can you allow your self such courage?
Being willing not to know, yet knowing that the way through is through one's shadows. 


What is the path?

Carl Jung devoted his time and researched on the “Shadow Self”. We all carry repressed ideas, instincts, impulses, weaknesses, desires, perversions and embarrassing fears within- these form part of the unconscious mind and is referred to as Shadow Self. This archetype is often described as the darker side of the psyche, representing wildness, chaos and the unknown. Carl Jung believed that these latent dispositions are present in all of us, in many instances forming a strong source of creative energy.


All we deny in ourselves—whatever we perceive as inferior, evil, or unacceptable—become part of the shadow. Anything incompatible with our chosen conscious attitude about ourselves relegates to this dark side.

The personal shadow is the disowned self. This shadow self represents the parts of us we no longer claim to be our own, including inherent positive qualities. These unexamined or disowned parts of our personality don’t go anywhere. Although we deny them in our attempt to cast them out, we don’t get rid of them.

We repress them; they are part of our unconscious. Think of the unconscious as everything we are not conscious of.

We can’t eliminate the shadow. It stays with us as our dark partner. Trouble arises when we fail to see it. For then, to be sure, it is standing right behind us.


What Happens When You Repress Your Shadow

What happens to all the parts of ourselves we sweep out of view?

Whatever qualities we deny in ourselves, we see in others.

In psychology, this is called projection. We project onto others anything we bury within us.

I am way simplifying everything but it carries a depth like none and this sharing will unfortunately not suffice to womb it all.


Where does one start? What if you were to uncover that part of your unacknowledged self?

Sharing one of my exercises

Watch One’s Emotional Reactions

We tend to project our disowned parts onto other people.

One of the best ways to identify our shadow is to pay attention to our emotional reactions toward other people.

People in our environment might be aggressive, arrogant, inconsiderate, or impatient, but if we don’t have those same qualities within us, we won’t have a strong reaction to their behavior.

If we’re paying close attention, we can train ourselves to notice our shadow when we witness strong negative emotional responses to others.

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”- Carl Jung

Whatever bothers you in another is likely a disowned part within yourself.

Get to know that part, accept it, make it a part of you, and next time, it may not evoke a strong emotional charge when you observe it in another.

Focus on what and who evokes an emotional charge in you. It doesn’t matter what the emotion is; it’s a clue you are denying something within you.

And at times, the mirror might be for you to look into, come what may, pause and ask yourself where does this emotion lead you to?

What is it whispering to you? What is seeking to be acknowledged?

And most importantly reach out for support, seek facilitators, professionals and friends who will hold space for you as you go through whatever it is.


My deepest wish of “Shadowing” goes to you, me and us.

May our shadows rise to teach us the dance of our own ecstasy

May our shadows whisper so we may re-member the entirety of who we are

There no light without dark

There is no projective without receptive

As we churn so we alchemize

To many more years of whispers within without


Love from my heart to yours

 Megha Venketasamy