I am about to share one highly sensitive event and my intention of sharing comes from the deep compassion that has been flooding my space since that event.
A close friend of mine reached out yesterday, I had a free slot after my morning meeting and we coincided our time to catch up.
He is in deep swirls of pains and confusions – struggling to find his grounding in his relationship with his wife, along with a one year child. The illusions of “knowing how to navigate through relationships” are dissolving and he is in deep sadness.
I paused and I listened, the coach in me takes over while the connected friend stood by to just listen.
But nothing prepared me for what I was to hear next. My friend bluntly asked me to sleep with him. This shook me hard, a friendship nurtured for years into family ties, love, respect and connection.
Instead of being and feeling offended or hurt, I asked myself what I can learn from this situation and from this amazing human being who is troubled by his life.
This situation was not and is not about me, though this situation was inherently going to teach me much.
MEN are TRAINED HARDCORE NOT to OWN what they FEEL, from the very beginning of their lives; they are TAUGHT and TOLD the way to DISCONNECT from their HEARTS, their FEELINGS, INSIGHTS and INTUITION.
And when pressure builds up internally, men SEEK a way to RELEASE it all. But men do NOT TALK for TO TALK mean “you are MANLESS”; but men do NOT FEEL for TO FEEL mean “you are SOFT BALLS” and men do NOT CRY for TO CRY mean “you are a SISSY."
When we are DISCONNECTED from our HEART, we go HUNTING for “WHATEVER IT IS” OUTSIDE US. We SEEK for SOLUTIONS OUTSIDE us, for we BELIEVE that SOMEWHERE this is SOMETHING or SOMEONE who HOLDS the POWER to FEED us BACK to LIFE.
Being CONNECTED to one’s HEART means to LIVE life with the KNOWINGNESS and CONSCIOUSNESS that we OWN RESPONSIBILITY in whatever we GO THROUGH, we are ABLE to SEE through the BELIEFS, PATTERNS and GROW in AWARENESS of how our EXISTENCE has been SHAPED and understand that at our CORE we HOLD the POWER to SHIFT and TRANSFORM.
But men are DISCONNECTED from their HEARTS, they are TAUGHT, TOLD and TRAINED to MAINTAIN CONTROL over it all, especially OVER their FEELINGS. Men are inherently NOT ALLOWED to FEEL through LIFE.
Disconnected from their hearts, men end up in relationships with women who are themselves disconnected from their bodies. Disconnected human beings ripple out more disconnects.
Making out on and off will surely bring human beings temporary release for as long as the orgasmic vibes last until the vicious pressurious circles kick in.
For those of you will read these words, my point is “sexual intimacy is sacred and beautiful but when the seeking and longing for intimacy emerge solely as a result of our internal pressure, then know the message is simple, there is something else, something deeper that is seeking our attention.”
Please pause and ask our self:
How am I feeling right now right here? Where is that feeling happening in my body? What is it that I have worked hard to hide? What is that one pressing issue I am running away from? What sense of emptiness am I trying to fill? What difference will it make to my life to have a heart to heart conversation in a safe space with someone about that which I am going through?
As for my friend who is still MY FRIEND, he is CALMER, OWNING the TRUTH of his FEELINGS, his CONSTRUCTED SENSE of HAVING FAILED at getting THINGS RIGHT. He is GROWING into AWARENESS that this WORLD will ongoingly DICTATE MEN'S STEPS through lives BUT ULTIMATELY, our HEARTS will CATCH us and this will MARK the BEGINNING of a NEW ERA. As for me, I STAND in DEEPER COMPASSION for men. We SPEAK of WOMEN and their WOUNDS but we FORGET that this WORLD has also WOMBED and will keep on WOMBING MEN. Men who CARRY their own WOUNDS. Such slight AWAKENING helps me GROW instead of JUDGING.
Not for once, did I felt like an endangered species during that conversation, for this situation was not and is not about me, but this situation has taught me much.
My boundaries keep teaching me about the power of love and compassion.
May these words serve their purpose beyond my life.
Photo Courtesy: Jake Melara, Unsplash.com
Post © Megha Venketasamy, 2018. All rights reserved.
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